(Featured photo by Stephen Andrews on Unsplash.) Every time you get in a car, you put on a seatbelt (at least, I really hope you do.) Not because you plan to get in an accident that day, or because you think you are with a bad driver, but because things happen. Even with all the safe guards put in place: You have to get a license; Cars are built safer than ever with crumple zones; There are speed limits; road rules, etc, driving is a higher risk activity. Therefore, we put on that seatbelt. We practice defensive driving. It is our personal responsibility to do all we can to take care of ourselves and plan for the worst so we can continue going forward with the best. Larping is a lot like driving. If we truly want to be ‘safe’, we need to take responsibility and charge of our own safety.
Maybe you aren’t into the driving metaphor. Let’s look at the dance scene, because it’s something near and dear to my heart. I work as the safer spaces coordinator for our local partner dancing scene. I try to do my best to keep out bad actors, to be a confidential space for people to bring worries, to watch the floor for people dancing in a high risk manner so I can have conversations with them, to help maintain an inclusive, safer dance venue, and remind people about consent in their dancing at all points in time. But the best tools we can give our dancers to keep them safe (and our teachers are so good about this) come long before the dance. It’s the ability to protect their own bodies – to keep their arms in front of their shoulders and their steps small enough as to not damage their knees. It’s training in consent – so every dancer knows they have the ability to no to any dance at any time and feels comfortable using those words. It’s creating a space of trust in the rooms so people feel empowered to protect themselves. We give them the tools to keep themselves safe. We can’t be in the middle of every dance with them, so they have to be their own best advocates.
This is something we all need to work on no matter the communities, the larps, or the situations we go into. If we know how to keep ourselves safer, we can take bigger and more interesting risks during our social interactions.
Now, I’m not saying toss out all the safety rules. For larping, I’m no longer a fan of certain safety rules (OK Check-In, Green/Yellow/Red) for certain reasons I’m happy to talk about, and I definitely think we need a shared set of tools when we go into any space. Nowadays, I really love slow escalation, clear consent rules, tap out, and simple OOC calibrations as needed. Usually, keeping the safety rules to a simple minimum will make them easier for all your players to remember AND jointly use. I also know the debate about flagging that’s flying around the internet these days, and flagging lists haven’t been a preferred tool of mine for a while. I think having public flagging creates a SENSE of safety (Oh, we’ve vetted this larp, you’re safe here!) when dangerous situations can still occur. Of course, players should still be able to personally talk to safety staff about participants that are active dangers to the community, but this isn’t a blog about flagging.
What happens when a total unknown comes into your community and is a predator? What happens in the awful situation where a trusted player has a mental breakdown at game and is suddenly a danger to themselves and others? Or someone got too drunk at a game to be trusted with their own roleplay? Or had a bad medication reaction? Or suddenly YOU are in a scene that you never imagined would be a trigger activation, but it is, and there is no safety staff about to help you? There are a hundred dangerous situations that could randomly occur that we can’t plan for. Your staff won’t always be there to protect you, and they shouldn’t have to be. We are mature adults doing mature adult things. We SHOULD be able to take care of ourselves. Safety is our own personal responsibility, first and foremost. And taking care of ourselves lets us help take care of others should the worst happen. But you have to put on your own damn mask before helping others!
So, how do we do this? How can you make certain you know how to make your own safer space for yourself no matter what happens around you? I honestly can’t tell you what works best for YOU, your plan should be personal, but here’s some things I recommend:
Be Prepared to Set Boundaries: Just practice saying no. Practice with your friends. Mentally go over it in your head. Give yourself permission to say no, walk away, and do it when you need. This is your NUMBER ONE TOOL. A boundary is a gift. Please give that gift freely.
Remember to Set Boundaries INSIDE Your Limits: If anyone has heard my workshop speeches recently, you know this. I consider a limit to be a place where, if hit or crossed, harm is done (be it physical or emotional.) Therefore, we should be setting our boundaries INSIDE our limits, so when we are emotionally charged up and the adrenaline has us going at 110%, we don’t accidentally harm ourselves the moment we hit a boundary. Think about what a LIMIT looks like for you. Then think about what a BOUNDARY looks like. Keep those things close to your heart.
Know Your Physical Needs: Do you have bad knees? Are you an insomniac? Diabetic? Have utterly awful night vision? Are sensitive to noises? Make certain you know what your body physically needs and that it will be accommodated where you are going or bring the accommodations you need. Pack the shoes that will be best for high activity days. Pack the hydrating water drops. Make certain you have a working small flashlight. Pack the ear plugs. Before going to a multi-day event, sit down and be honest with your body’s needs then make certain you have packed to accommodate that.
Know Your Emotional Fences: Boundaries change, yes. But we all have a generalized idea of where our general boundaries are, especially with strangers. Go over those in your mind, especially concerning the content you are dealing with. Where are you likely to hit a moment of activation? Do you think something might happen that will make you tap out of a scene? If so, even just practicing once or twice ‘Tap out’ while mentally going through a scene that could get you there will prepare you for the moment you MIGHT need to do it. And if you never have to? GREAT! Flex those fences! But it’s better to be prepared than not.
Know the Safety Staff and Rules: Does this larp have a safety person or player advocate? Do you know them by face and how to contact them if they are needed? What mechanics are in place that everyone should be using to set boundaries with each other and what should you do if that goes wrong? If this event doesn’t have those staff, what are you going to do if something goes wrong (and make that plan with whomever you’re attending with so you all know.) Just being ready ahead will make a time of crisis so much easier to handle.
Have an Off-Site Contact: If something goes bad on site, do you have someone else you can call who isn’t involved in the thing you can talk to about it? Just having a neutral party on hand who isn’t involved can be so damn helpful.
Be Ready to Protect Your Body: If this was dancing, I would tell you to keep your arms in front of your shoulders and your steps small/generally under your body as well as being aware of your surroundings so you don’t accidentally kick someone. But this is larping. It’s still good advice. If you are doing an incredibly physical game, have you stretched or warmed up before? It’s probably worth doing. If you haven’t been active in a while, be mentally prepared to take breaks, you will probably need them! Be ready for crowds and close contact with people. If you know crowds overwhelm you, make a plan to sit near doors or the edges of the room. Planning in advance eases so much stress when the time comes.
Have a Debrief Buddy: If you’re someone who needs emotional debriefing after intensive things, can you find a friend who is happy to be that buddy for you? Maybe you can be it for each other? Share the war stories, the emotions, all the things from the weekend!
Know When a Game Isn’t for You: Saying no can also start before a game. It’s so important to sit down and have a long talk with yourself about why you enjoy this hobby, what you have enjoyed in past games, and what kind of games caused you more emotional strife and misery than enjoyment. Even if all your friends are attending a thing, if that game just doesn’t look like it fits in what gives you joy, please say no? All of us need to get better at being more picky about the events we attend (myself included.)
Being Good at What You Do: To stick with the driving metaphor, I am an incredibly competent, safe driver of a larper. I know how to tell stories, I know how to steer scenes, I know how to thrive in this environment. That confidence also gives me the confidence to use my safety tools, say no when I need, and turn down situations that just don’t feel right. I trust my instincts and I get out of a bad situation before it starts. Now, this is an incredibly honed skill, but many of you have done this for a while. Trust your instincts.
Those are the general strategies I use when going into a larp or any emotionally intense weekend away with a crowd of people I don’t know. Having those personal safety rules has allowed me to take greater risks, experience a lot more events, and not lean heavily on forcing organizers to create a safer space for me. I know they cannot create a safe space. They can do their best, but sometimes there is a drunk driver on the road or a controlling dancer on the floor. I need to be able to make my own safe spaces anywhere I go and, in doing that, I raise the safety level for everyone.
The Space Between Stories 
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